“Discipline is not verbally abusing your child, hitting the child, always controlling the child, threatening the child and all those. No, that’s not discipline. Discipline is also not an emergency; a child does something, and you’re hitting the child, trying to correct the child. So this is what we are facing now, and for some of us, it is maybe the disciplinary style that was used on us, and most parents are just parenting by default, okay, but there is a need to learn, relearn and unlearn.” Sandra Ani shared some thoughts with us on parenting and discipline and how to navigate building relationships with your teens.
Sandra Ani’s Profile
Sandra Ani is an accountant who discovered her true purpose. She is a teen/youth coach and passionate parent educator. With a solid commitment to shaping the next generation, Sandra has become a sought-after speaker on parenting, sharing her expertise on various platforms. She’s the founder of the “Parent Conclave”, a WhatsApp platform where she inspires young parents and the author of two insightful parenting guides, “ROOTS” and “LIFE ALARM,” aimed at guiding parents in raising responsible children.
Sandra is also the author of “Values for Daily Living,” a book-turned-movement addressing moral decline globally. Her book is promoting and projecting a solution our world is in dire need of – Moral Values. Through her books, radio programs, website and social media platforms, Sandra communicates her vision and inspires positive change worldwide. Values for daily living remains a groundbreaking book used in schools across the globe. In Enugu State, Nigeria, since 2019, the book has been distributed to all secondary schools. It is often used as a moral instruction guide, helping students to teach values.
In addition to her literary pursuits, Sandra founded Help-Sphere Foundation, a Child and Youth Friendly NGO focused on Education, Human Capital Development and Health. She also serves as the CEO of Grassroots Global Connect Ltd, a Digital News Publication Platform. She is Vice President at Mexygabriel Limited, a leading tech company in Africa.
Despite her many roles, Sandra remains grounded in her faith as a lover of Christ, as well as a devoted wife and mother of three wonderful children. Her passion for humanity shines through her multifaceted endeavours, impacting lives and fostering positive change wherever she goes.
Gutsy Interview with Sandra
1. What inspired you to transition from accounting to teen/youth coaching and parent education?
What inspired me to transition from accounting to teen and youth coaching and parent education? Honestly, passion. When it comes to children and young people, I’m pretty passionate about impacting them. And I think I made the move while serving during my NYSC days in Akwa Ibom state. That was when I hit the ground running to follow my passion. While I was serving, I was working with the government house. I read accounting, so I was posted to the Accounts Department, Government House, Uyo, but passion still pushed me. You know, passion and vision are such a propeller. It propels your actions. It propels your decisions and your inaction as well.
So when I was serving, I noticed that when I would come to the office, I would clock in like every other corp member does. When I’m done, maybe before the end of the day, and we don’t get to stay in the office till 4 p.m., even those working on that day sometimes leave before 4 p.m. When we don’t have anything to do, we are expected to go, or if you want to stay, you can stay behind, maybe to read a book or stay. But for me, that passion kept on pushing me.
So, I would always leave there to go to schools within my neighbourhood and voluntarily teach. I was teaching young people, students in primary school and college. I would enter any school I see, discuss with the principal and then create an avenue where I can always come and teach these students.
Even after service, I didn’t look forward to getting a job as an accountant. Instead, I followed my passion, now having an organisation, championing activities towards empowering young people, impacting the youth, and impacting children. Also, when it comes to parent education, my involvement in parenting is due to my exposure towards young people.
Going to schools to teach and not just schools, I also visited a motherless baby’s home, Local Governments, and so many places in Akwa Ibom state to teach. That experience gave me some exposure, and I saw the gap between parents and their children, especially in the way the children talk to me. They feel so free to relate to you. They share their burden with you. They share their burdens with you, and they are very open.
I realised that there was a gap. So I decided to call the attention of parents, especially young parents and young mothers, and I started enlightening them, trying to make them see that when you’re not present in a child’s life, certain things can happen. So, that gave me an insight into what parents should do.
And that was what gave birth to my platform on parenting, the Parent Conclave. It’s a WhatsApp platform where I inspire young moms and people so they don’t parent by default. There are things to learn, there are things to unlearn, and there are things to relearn. There’s a way we need to communicate better with those young ones. Also, I exposed myself to more learning and training by registering with other platforms where I was mentored, and I gained knowledge on parenting.
2. How do you prioritise family and personal well-being while navigating multiple roles, including CEO, Vice President, and founder?
Okay, in one word, I would say structure, structure, structure. The structure has helped me to achieve a lot. Imagine roaming with no vision, no mission, no guidance, nothing, then you will attain anything, but structuring my home has helped me with putting values right, setting a standard, and having routines that guide my home. So, I know when to do certain things and how to carry my family along because I have to prioritise family, no matter what. I now know how to plan the time, when to give my family time, and weekends are for family activities. So, structure has helped me put my house on autopilot and prioritise my family.
While I’m structuring it, I can attend to other activities. So it doesn’t really. Does it affect it? Not 100% because sometimes it would always want to come your way if you get so busy. For instance, you may be attending to a mail, your child needs attention, and you’re trying to manage both.
Nonetheless, I still try my best to see that I make up. I meet up because you can’t neglect family. Family is number one, and you have to put it first. So, anything that will make me neglect my family is not for me. I would instead not do it. So, at the moment, I can prioritise my home because I put a structure in my business. I put a structure in my house, knowing the time I give to each of these activities so that I can have a good time for my family and also for myself and my well-being. So structure, like I said in one word, structuring my family and businesses.
3. What unique challenges do young parents face, and how do you address them through your work and parenting guidebooks?
The unique challenge most of our young parents face right now is discipline. Most parents find it difficult to discipline their children now because we do not understand what discipline is. And because we are always, most parents are always often absent, so we don’t tend to connect with our children because you can’t correct a child well when you’re not connected with a child. So, for me, discipline is guidance, it is teaching, discipline is structure, structure, and the tools you use to function in your home.
Discipline is not verbally abusing your child, hitting the child, always controlling the child, threatening the child and all those. No, that’s not discipline. Discipline is also not an emergency; a child does something, and you’re hitting the child, trying to correct the child. So this is what we are facing now, and for some of us, it is maybe the disciplinary style that was used on us, and most parents are just parenting by default, okay, but there is a need to learn, relearn and unlearn.
For my parents, one of the parent guides I have is called the Parenting Guide is Life Alarm, a routine checklist for children and teenagers. Now, what does that help you do? It helps you to communicate some values to your children. It also allows you to put up a structure in your home because through routine, we begin to form positive habits, and those positive habits eventually become your character.
So let’s say over time you’re learning time management; you’re trying to discipline a child to be time conscious. And you’ve not brought it down to teach the child, and maybe through routine, you’re able to teach the child to ensure that before noon, everything should be done in the home.
From putting up a routine, getting up from bed, brushing your teeth, eating your food, making your bed and the sequence you follow, the order, what comes first, food doesn’t come first. What comes first? Prayer, brush your teeth, make your bed, you know, observe one or the other, you eat your food, okay? So all those guidelines and when the child is doing it, the child is engaged; time is going. So you can teach a child time management, pointing out that before it is 9 a.m., this should have been completed.
Before it is noon, this should have been completed. So, for me, discipline is structure. When we can structure our home patiently, consistently push this to our children to understand and to imbibe your discipline in the child. But in a case where you’re not putting up a structure, you’re not teaching values, you’re not finding ways to make this child understand, there’s no practical attempt, there are no positive routines they are following, and you end up beating the child. The child wakes up at noon, the child has not showered, the child hasn’t even brushed their teeth, you know, you’re beating the child.
So that’s the case for so many parents right now. Being able to discipline children is a massive issue for parents, especially parents of teenagers. So, this guide I developed is helping many parents try to structure their homes and guide these teenagers to know what to do at the time.
Because if you use your time well, you will not need to scream and shout. You know, by this time, you’re supposed to eat; by this time, you also have a shower, it’s time to read, it’s time to cook, it’s time to have your nap, siesta, it’s time to go to bed, it’s a night routine, bedtime routine to observe, reading before you sleep, praying and all those.
So structuring a home, structuring a home helps a lot. So that’s one of the things that, that’s one of the key things that parents are facing now, discipline. And because by the time you keep hitting the child, you don’t get resolved by just hitting. Maybe temporarily, the child might try to act good, but hitting also has an adverse effect. The negative consequences are more than the positive. Because the child will lose confidence. You beat the child to death, and the child has low self-esteem; trauma sets in, and the child grows with it.
But when we can do the right thing because parenting is first about you. You’re able to model the right; you’re able to teach in love, teach with patience, and connect with the child. Discipline will be more accessible for you. So, for me, parents, if parents can connect with their children, put up structures, put up systems that should be working in their home that will guide them.
A child eats food and doesn’t finish it and wastes it. The child wastes it and maybe leaves it out, then flies patch on it, and you’re unable to eat it again. No. What’s the discipline that should be given there? I start hitting the child. No, I should tell the child that when you have leftover food, you must preserve it in the fridge. And when you want to eat next, you have to bring out that one you preserved to eat it because nothing wastes here.
That’s discipline. Which one would you instead go for? The one hitting the child for not finishing the food and keeping it and flies patching on it? Or do you think the child will turn out better when you have taught the child what to do? Now you’ve taught preservation.
Now you’ve taught the child to manage. Now, you have an ordered structure in the home. When that child grows, the child will also know that you don’t waste things. Even Jesus, when he fed the 5000 people, had remnants and gathered them together. So discipline is structure, a system, and discipline is guidance, teaching, and direction towards our children. And the book I wrote, Life Alarm, Everything Checklist for Children and Teenagers, is a fantastic guide for parents struggling to help a child with complicated values and build structure through the routine. It’s a powerful book. So that’s how I’ve been able to address that challenge.
4. What role does education play in empowering African girls and women?
Education plays a vital role in the lives of African girls and women. It has a way of exposing them to a lot of opportunities. It comes with a lot of exposure. You can’t compare a village girl, a girl that is in the village, to a girl who has seen the four walls of the school and beyond school, and the content of what is being taught there and all that. So, education is robust. It gives our women the opportunity to fly, to try.
Education has the ability again to inspire future generations. It has a lot of potential. It brings out the best in you. Even things you think you cannot do. Education has a way of bringing out that potential, that innate ability, that untapped potential in you. Education can spark up that passion in you, that ability, and you begin to shine with it. It’s something I also advocate for that our young girls should be in school. They shouldn’t drop out. They should learn. They should be exposed because it plays a crucial role in our lives.
5. What unique challenges do you see teens facing today, and how do you empower them, the parents and educators, to overcome these obstacles?
Many of our teens are going through unique challenges, and one way I try to empower them is to encourage them to uphold their values. Teenage life is a very crucial phase of life. It’s a phase that, as a parent, we all passed through, and we all know what we went through. These are the moments when emotions run through your body. It’s a natural phenomenon, and you have a lot of things going on in your mind, psychologically, mentally, emotionally, so many things. The teenage age is a time when we empower youth.
We empower our teenagers to be self-aware to uphold their values, to uphold their values, values such as contentment, preservation, hard work, and focus. These are timeless values we try to call back for our teenagers to uphold and see that they are being focused. Don’t lose focus. Let them be guided, and for parents, we try to encourage parents also to stay connected because, at this point in life, you need to be present in this teenager’s life. If you have a teen, you must be present in that child’s life.
Every teenager needs a companion, and parents should be that companion. Be the guide, be the director of that child, direct and guide that child because a lot is happening to that child, so we don’t lose our children. So, for the young ones, I empower them by going to school. I partner with schools to give talks and encourage them to uphold their values. We have activities, and we inspire them. For parents through the parental conclave, my platform on WhatsApp, I’m also able to connect with parents and remind them of what they need to be doing.
I’ve also developed a parenting guide on how they can engage these teenagers in their homes and guide them right. Have a time when they pray, have quiet time, not a regular prayer. Let that child be well guided because when you set a structure that guides the child, even if you’re not there, that child will operate optimally through the structure. So, it takes persistence. But when you plant it, persevere, and you should consistently push to see that child teaches those values.
6. How do you stay current with teens’ evolving challenges, and what trends or issues do you see on the horizon?
I stay current with the evolving challenges faced by teens by being constantly in touch with them. Because, as an organisation, we are partnering with several schools. We have this link with students because of the partnership. So through it, we are constantly interacting with teenagers. We have timely conversations, sometimes monthly for some schools and for some schools every month. It helps us to be in check of what is happening and what is about to happen and helps us to proffer some solutions and counsel for these teenagers.
And some of the trending issues we see on the horizon is social media influence. Our teenagers are pretty exposed to the media, which has a lot of impact on them. They’re exposed to the media, so we’re also trying to see that we curb the attention they give to the media. That is why every parent needs to ensure that a child has a routine and a media guide that guides a child on how to use the phone. If the child has a phone, laptop, or other gadgets, you don’t allow the child to be exposed to a few things on the internet. It should be monitored, highly monitored.
7. What challenges have you faced in your work, and how do you overcome them?
One challenge we face in this work is insecurity because we believe that every child should be impacted, not just children within the urban areas. We go to remote communities as well to impact lives. We go to villages to give hope and inspire these young ones because they also need it. They also need this information. They also need to know that they matter. They also need to know that they are involved.
And for an organisation that is big on inclusion and equality, we try to carry everyone along. Still, we’ve suffered insecurity, so it has limited us that we no longer go to remote areas as such. And these schools and the principal keep calling us to come, but because of the insecurity, we cannot go. We are considering safety, and how we can interact with them is through the internet and the media.
So we often try to talk to them on the phone or have a virtual class through their school head. We’ve done that a couple of times in local governments and community secondary schools. We organise these virtual classes, and the students can attend, and they know, hear, or see one or two things, and they’re inspired. That’s how we’ve overcome it because we cannot go in person and be physically present in their schools for those remote areas.
8. What is the most fulfilling aspect of your work?
The most fulfilling aspect of my work is the fact that I’m able to impact lives. I would always say that I have had this affinity with humanity right from serving as a corp member in Akwa Ibom state. My passion for humanity propelled all my actions, decisions, and everything I did. And at the end of my service here, I emerged as the overall best core member because of my impact on the state. I wasn’t just teaching, even where I thought I was considered.
I would go to remote areas, and I would go to motherless babies’ homes and be teaching. I would write, I would print the draft, and I would share. There was a motherless baby’s home that I renovated because I felt those children were already disadvantaged, and again, they are in an atmosphere that is so discouraging. And I took it upon myself, I raised funds, and I fixed the home. I’ve also empowered young people, teenagers, and youths with some skill acquisition.
I’ve been consistent with my contention that life is all about impact. So I feel so satisfied and fulfilled. I might not get all the money, but I get all the satisfaction. When I see lives changed and I see that these lives are being transformed, I feel so happy. Money cannot even buy it. The fulfilling aspect is that I am so satisfied, impacting lives, and these lives are being transformed.
You see people give testimonies, and you also read testimonies. You see, people testify about your book, the impact your book is making, what you’ve told them, and how what you’ve told them over the years has been a guiding principle. I’ve seen so many things, so many reviews. So I feel so happy and fulfilled. It’s something I’ve been consistent with over the years, and I’m still looking forward to doing more by the grace of God.
9. What message would you like to share with girls, parents, and educators about supporting the next generation’s growth and well-being?
My message for the young girls is to keep pushing, keep breaking boundaries, keep upholding your values, keep thriving, keep pursuing your goals and your vision, and have a vision. Vision is a propeller. Have a vision. What is that thing? What is that purpose? What is that thing you feel God has put in you that you’re called to do, you’re here to do, aside from what you’re reading in school?
Unless you’re in tandem with what you’re studying? What is that innate passion in you? I discovered me when I was 7. So, to the young girls, I need them to embrace themselves, accept and love themselves and keep pushing. Believe in yourself as well. Believe you can believe you can achieve anything and put your mind to it, and you will achieve it.
Keep trying, don’t give up, persevere, read books, expose your mind to knowledge, expose your mind to meaningful people, and follow the right people on social media that inspire you positively. Shut down on some people, shut down on voices. A lot of voices are out there distracting our young girls. Shut down on them, see the information you’re taking, and the sky will be your limit, and the sky will be your starting point, sorry.
Then, to the parents, please stay connected with your child to correct that child because every child is why they are called the children. They need direction. Every child needs care, every child needs attention, and every child needs direction. That is our role as a parent. We need to help the children thrive, and we need to hold them in their hands to work the path they are working on, to walk through it and work through it and come out stronger and better.
My message to parents is to please ensure that you’re there in the lives of these children at the time they need you the most. Please show up. And for our educators, we need you to be, you know, to pressurise inculcation of values. Education is beyond just academic goals and academic excellence.
The higher goals should be in the conclusion of moral principles. I mean, any education that does not embed values in whatever they are teaching, values are not embedded in the curriculum, the content you have, you’re not teaching values and seeing that it has an expression where every child understands that, every child understands care, compassion. You infuse it in your daily teaching, and you infuse it in the activities. Children come to class, and they take turns to even arrange the bags in the classroom. You give them room to show love to one another. You provide them with room to show care, to care, be kind and remember it also begins with us.
So, as educators, the school owners ensure you infuse this into the curriculum and the content of whatever you’re teaching and for our teachers, we should be the role models we are supposed to be and show that we embed those values more than it. I know so many things are happening right now, the economic meltdown and so many things. A lot of teachers are so depressed and frustrated, but we need to keep holding our thoughts. We need to keep showing up. Let’s stay strong, okay? We all come out stronger.
But for the sake of those children, let’s put a smile out there and put our emotions into check and have a high level of emotional intelligence when we are before them because what they are seeing, whatever you exhibit, is what they are picking. If you exhibit anger, they will pick anger. If you exhibit love, they will show love. So let’s be suitable role models. Let’s not put our frustration on the children. When they need our attention, let us pay attention. When they ask us questions, let us answer in love, in compassion, with understanding and in all, everybody will be well.
Past Projects by Sandra Ani
